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Foolproof Sexting Guide: How to Sext for Naughty Fun

By: Sam Pirson , February 2, 2024

While having sex and being intimate with someone can be the pinnacle of pleasure, talking or texting about the sex you and a partner are going to have is a very close runner up. Sexting is the digital version of sex when the real thing just can’t happen, and this guide to sexting can really round out a fuller, hotter sex life.

Much like any other form of or act within sex, sexting requires a mutual understanding and connection. Knowing the unwritten rules and major do’s and don’ts can lend for a better in-person experience whether it’s someone you’ve been dating long term or just started seeing.

Before we talk about how to sext, what is it exactly?

First… what is sexting?

Sexting is the exchange of sexually explicit messages, images, videos or emojis between individuals typically through their phone or some sort of direct messaging chat. A 2023 study collected sexting data from 2,160 college students found that 76.6% had engaged in some form of sexting, and most of the sexting was consensual and reciprocal.

It’s incredibly common because when it is consensual and reciprocal, it’s fun, naughty, can forge greater intimacy, explore fantasy and act as a touch-free foreplay. It’s R (or X) rated flirting.

Why learning how to sext is a great skill

Learning how to sext is a great skill because in order to be good at it, you really just need to be a dialed in and charismatic partner in any sort of relationship dynamic – long term partner to no strings attached lover. Knowing how to sext only benefits you and your partner to be able to read each other, communicate better and be vulnerable within the context of the relationship. As much as these are beneficial to the relationship itself, they also will make you an excellent sexter and better in bed.

So long as sexting is done consensually, there are fun benefits. Sexting provides an avenue for exploring and sharing sexual fantasies in a safe, slower format than in-person. It allows individuals to communicate their desires and preferences and hopefully enhance not only their physical sex, but their mental and emotional connection, sense of intimacy and confidence within the relationship.

It’s a great way to supplement intimacy and sex when you can’t physically have it, whether that’s because you’re in different places, don’t have the time or for other health-related reasons.

Sexting can add an element of excitement and novelty to a relationship. It can serve as a way to keep the romantic and sexual aspects of the relationship fresh and exciting.

How to start sexting and spice things up

While sexting requires your own creativity and understanding of the connection with the person you’re messaging with, there’s a basic framework to establish the foundation you need to ensure sexting is natural, fun and worthwhile for all parties.

In order to know how to start sexting you’ll need to be able to read the metaphorical room, employ consent (and keep it sexy), learn their turn ons by listening and keep it exciting. Keep reading this sexting guide to learn the tricks to find your own voice and up the heat in your text thread.

1. Read the metaphorical room

A good place to start is complementing the person you’re texting and hope to turn to sexting to see how they respond. However, this requires warming up and not just talking about what hole you want to fill. Much like sex, sexting requires a bit of verbal foreplay and a lot of reading cues. Paying a compliment on something they did or are good at in bed is a great place to start. If they respond with shame, embarrassment or avoidance, pump the breaks. If they respond with a compliment, saying they want to do it again or more, you can inch forward.

Being more forward can look like sharing what you want to do to them, the pleasure you want to give them or something about how desirable they looked. Focus on how you and your body felt towards them rather than simply what they look like, and pay close attention to how they respond. Also much like sex, if it isn’t an enthusiastic yes and participation in sexting with you, it’s a no.

2. Make consent sexy for nudes

Under no circumstances should you send an unsolicited nude. There needs to be some kind of check in or firm understanding that your recipient wants to see whatever it is you want to send, and since we’re talking about sexting, it should be sexy. “I want to send you a pic of my dick,” isn’t going to work here.

This can look something like, “Can I show you how hard you make me?” Or, “do you want to see how much you turn me on?” By asking questions like this, you can navigate consent and get to know what they like or want to say.

In terms of asking, you can use phrases like “show me” or “I wish I could see right now,” to indicate that you’d like to receive nudes. This is you volunteering your consent.

3. Learn what types of sexting turns them on

While this is part of reading “the room” and your partner, there’s a variety of ways to learn. The biggest is paying attention to how they respond. You can also lead with vulnerability, share what you like about it and why it turns you on and follow up with asking them to share the same.

4. Make sexting an exciting game

Much like communication between two people that are intimately involved, sexting becomes your own language. Whether you consistently start off with the glancing-eyes emojis or send an image with iPhone invisible ink feature, remember to switch it up and center it on how much desire you have for the other person.

Do’s and don’ts: The unwritten rules of sexting

It’s easy to get excited and move quickly when sharing intimate texts with your partner, so here are some sexting do’s and don’ts to help make it more than just a one time thing.

Do’s:

Do lead with curiosity about your partner’s desires.
Do listen and pay attention to your partner’s comfort.
Do always check in or for consent before sending a nude. (You never know where someone is when they’re going to open your pic.)
Do start slow and warm up like foreplay.
Do always respect the other person’s boundaries.
Do always be honest about your boundaries.
Do offer consent clearly.
Do share your own fantasies and desires.

Don’ts:

Don’t share unsolicited dick pics.
Don’t share your private sexts with others.
Don’t sext at your job. (What if your boss sees? Yikes!)
Don’t sext someone you don’t know well or how they’ll receive it.
Don’t leave someone hanging.

Cheat sheet for sexting emojis

Emojis can be a subtle, fun way to be suggestive while sexting without spelling it out (even though sometimes spelling it out is hot too). Here’s a few and how to use them:

👅 The “tongue out” emoji is perfect for letting their imagination run wild about how you want to lick them.

🍾 The “pop champagne” emoji could be used to insinuate you’re about to bust a nut, blow your load or really just so turned on you’re about to explode.

💦 The “water drops” emoji can be used like a splash, to say you’re so wet, to say you’re dripping.

🍆 The “eggplant” emoji is all about the dick. Drop it in when you want her to know you’re big and hard.

🍑 The “peach” emoji represents a nice juicy ass.

🥨 The “pretzel” emoji might be unexpected, but the best time to use that is to say you want to fold them up like a pretzel and fuck.

General guidelines for sexting images

In terms of taking nudes to sext to a partner, you want to make sure you feel good about yourself. Being turned on is a bonus, of course, and you should make sure the setting looks nice. (Move the pile of laundry off your bed.)

Warm lamp light is way sexier than overhead lights, so consider a small lighting upgrade if needed.

Even if you know your partner wants your nudes and has offered consent, checking in to make sure they can open your image discreetly is a smart move for both of you.

Consider what it is you’re sending the reality that someone else will have it in their phone where you have less control over it. You can send more anonymous nudes by taking them closer up and avoiding showing your face or identifying marks like tattoos and substantial birthmarks.

Sexting examples for naughty inspiration

To stay inspired, there are a few types of sexting you can engage in. You can focus on desire and they can be about how much you want them and all the things you want to do to them.

You can focus on praise, and your sexts can be complimenting what they look like, feel like and how good they are at sex.

You can focus on fantasy and share what turns you on and pursue learning about all the things that turn them on.

Or, you can go for nostalgia and relive a particularly memorable session you two shared. Slowly sext through all the steamy details so you can both relive it separately but at the same time.

Sexting tips to keep it exciting

For the most part, the same tips you apply to keeping sex exciting will also keep sexting exciting. Much like you don’t want to get lost in the same two positions, using the same phrases or compliments or emoji combinations is unimaginative and boring, and so much of the fun of sexting is using your imagination.

Ask different questions.

Try different times of day or scenarios.

Don’t always send a nude from the same angle.

Also, you don’t want to overdo it. No matter how fun it is, you want to save some pleasure for the real thing, and it’s also good to connect on other things besides sex via text.

A guide to sexting is just the start

Practice makes perfect! Accepting that you’ll have to be a little vulnerable and always be listening is a great foundation for sexting to supplement and support a robust sex life. Enjoy the process of exchanging nasty texts and sexy nudes and it’ll only get better with time.

Log on to instabang.com and get to know other singles to practice sexting with today!