The question of whether or not to have sex on the first date is a personal decision that’s sometimes influenced by society and the opinions of people you aren’t considering having sex with, but it should be your own personal choice no matter what. Rather than letting the conversation around sleeping with someone after the first date dictate your life, there are ways to check in with yourself to see what’s right for you, and the decision can always change.
Sexual wellness brand www.lovehoney.com surveyed over 2,000 adults to investigate how many of us have had sex on the first date, and why we are – or aren’t – open to it. In it, they found 49% of people have had sex on the first date before. Over one in seven men are open to sex on date number one, whereas 61% of women are not. The most common reason for not getting intimate on the first date is feeling uncomfortable having sex with someone we don’t know well, which is shared by 47% of those surveyed.
Unfortunately, in addition to wanting to know someone better before having sex with them, there is a lingering stigma around women that want to have sex on the first date. Yet, that’s based in misogyny and the thinking that a woman is less than for having the same desires as men. It’s time to let that go.
However, there are other reasons people don’t like to have sex on the first date. Thirty-eight percent of people simply don’t believe in it, while 32% said they need to have an emotional connection with the person to have intercourse. Surprisingly, the survey showed a lack of emotional connection was the second most common reason among men which suggests men are more likely than women to desire emotional closeness before letting things get physical.
Only 17% of those surveyed were concerned about the risk of STIs and pregnancy. Hopefully it’s because they’re diligent about protecting themselves, because it’s something we should all take into consideration and proceed with caution.
On the other hand, there’s a variety of reasons people are down to fuck on the first date. According to the survey, men’s most common reason for being open to sex on the first date is simply because they enjoy it, but the main reason women respondents are open to it is to start to gauge sexual compatibility. Other reasons include wanting to connect on a sexual level quicker and seeing if the other person accepts their kinks.
While some may find it empowering and liberating, others may emphasize the importance of establishing an emotional connection before taking such an intimate step. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, as every individual and situation is unique.
Realistically, you can feel differently from person to person and first date to first date. You may have been more open to it five years ago and now you’re not. Or, you may have been completely against it and now you’re unsure. The bottom line is it’s your decision. And, you may be open to it with certain people and less with others.
If you are open to it or thinking you may be, there are a few things you should consider: your comfort, if you feel safe, the emotional connection and if your beliefs around sex are aligned.
When we think about a first date, we’re asking questions and offering information about ourselves to see if a connection with this person feels good for us. Talking about sex (and maybe even doing it) can be part of this exchange. It is simply another way to know someone that you potentially want to date or have sex with. You might as well talk about it.
Have a candid conversation with your potential partner about their expectations, desires, and boundaries. This allows both parties to express their comfort levels, ensuring that both are on the same page. By discussing your intentions and desires, you can gain clarity on whether or not the first date is the right time to take this intimate step.
While gauging an emotional connection within just one date is nearly impossible, there are things you can be mindful of, take note of, or ask to elaborate more as they’re sharing with you. Consider the way they talk about their exes, friendships, relationships and family members. It’s less about the status of each of those relationships and more about how they position themselves within the story.
Did they say all of their exes are crazy? Is everything shared under the slant that they’re the victim? If you’re out at a restaurant or bar, how do they speak to the staff? Further, these considerations should be equal parts checking if they’re a decent human and also where you’re emotionally aligned. These are a few early stage topics to take the conversation deeper and see how you connect on them.
Similarly, this may be a lot of ground to cover on the first date. (And, if you’re purely looking for a one night stand, perhaps you don’t need to know most of this information.) But, do you know what your absolute deal breakers are? If you’re planning having sex with someone you’ve only known for a couple hours, this is kind of the bare minimum to aid in your decision making, and the deal breakers can be anything. They’re yours to have.
From how they talk about their mom to how they navigate tipping and their feelings on abortion rights, this is where you find those baseline boxes that need to be checked. While it’s unrealistic to be aligned on everything, it’s important to have a few things that you want to be in lockstep about. Rushing to sex and finding out you’ve been intimate with someone who is fundamentally against some of the most important things to you isn’t ideal. Sex should be fun and not regretful.
It also may be worthwhile to find out what they think about sex on the first date. Nothing is off the table here.
A lot of what we talked about above can help you determine if you feel safe to have sex on a first date. Additionally, knowing what makes you feel safe in a connection can help you determine this.
Trust is a little deeper and can be built over time through conversations, shared experiences, and genuine connection. If you have any doubts or concerns regarding your date’s intentions or character, it may be best to take things slower and allow trust to develop further. Even if you’re open to sex on the first date, any potential red flags should be taken into account and be explored more over time rather than rushing into it.
Everyone has their own comfort levels when it comes to sex on the first date.. Being conscious of your own boundaries and desires is a large part of whether or not sleeping with someone on the first dayte is right for you. Take into account your past experiences, personal preferences, and emotional readiness. There is no right or wrong answer, and the most important aspect is to prioritize your own well-being and ensure you are comfortable with the decision you make. From there, it’s part of the fun process of first dates.
Find plenty of open-minded people for first dates (and maybe more) on Instabang.com.