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Five Ways To Increase Your Libido And Improve Your Sex Life

By: Sam Pirson , October 28, 2022


Sex is supposed to feel good. It can be exciting, passionate, fun and a release, but ideally, the experience should be desired. And, sometimes you may find yourself simply not wanting to or not feeling in the mood. Your libido may be low.

What’s libido?


Your libido is your sexual drive or desire for sexual activity. It’s influenced by a variety of physical, mental and social factors, and it fluctuates throughout your lifetime. 

What lowers your sex drive?

Biological or physical factors that can impact your libido can include hormone levels. Men typically experience their highest sex drive in their 20s because their testosterone levels are at their highest. Women’s libido is regulated by estrogen and progesterone, and studies have suggested women’s highest libido is in their 30s. 


Social factors that can influence your libido include education around sex, cultural or imposed gender norms, or a your personal life experiences. These can shape your view, openness or perspective yourself as a sexual being. For example, if you are taught promiscuity is negative, you may feel shame about desiring sex. Thus, your life experience taught you not to desire it. 


Your psychological well being can also impact your sex drive. Stress, anxiety, depression and other mental health deterrants can lower your sex drive. 


Additionally, some medications’ side effects can alter your libido. Consult your medical professional about any medications you’re prescribed and their impact on your sex drive. 


Knowing what lowers it can lend for places to focus on how to increase your sexual drive.

How to Increase Your Libido


It’s completely normal for your sex drive to change over time, but there are some things you can do to take care of yourself, maintain a healthy sexual appetite and increase your libido. These are the best ways to boost your sex drive. 

Reduce Stress

Cortisol is your body’s primary stress hormone, and it helps provide energy when you’re feeling under pressure or in danger. Once the concern has passed, it also regulates your nervous system and calms you down. Prolonged stress or anxiety can impact the way cortisol regulates the body, wear down the ability to unwind efficiently and subsequently, lower sex drive.


Americans are reporting more overall stress than they ever have before. Stressors can include everything from relationships to challenging co-workers or bosses to financial issues. Altering the body’s ability to regulate the emotions and reactions to these threats will also lower libido. 


If you can’t cut these stressors out, consulting a therapist is a good way to learn methods to manage your response to stress. Relaxation methods like meditation, massages or yoga can also help. Keeping a gratitude journal or journaling can help put the range of your life’s experiences in perspective and work through the challenges. 


Physical activity or working out can be helpful to manage stress and boost your sexual drive. It reduces stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline and increases your endorphins, which are released during pleasurable activities. Consistently working on your fitness also helps with your body image, self-confidence and stamina – which all lend for a better foundation for a robust sex life and increased libido.

Get Enough Sleep

Lack of sleep and insomnia can be responsible for a variety of health issues, and a lower libido is one of them. 


Similar to reducing stress, regular exercise can help you sleep better, but establishing a nighttime routine can be the reset you need. This can include things like limiting caffeine intake after a certain hour of the day, avoiding high fat meals before bed, waking up and going to bed around the same time daily, and avoiding screen time for an hour before bed. 


Your bedroom or sleeping environment is important too. Small adjustments like using lamps versus overhead lights right before bed and the ideal temperature for you to sleep in can set you up to drift off easier. White noise machines or playlists and weighted blankets can also lend for a more restful night of sleep. Consistently being well-rested can raise your sex drive.


For more serious sleep conditions or prolonged issues, consult a physician. 

Limit Alcohol Intake

Alcohol is a depressant and it slows functions of the brain and body, and this can result in numbing your sexual sensitivity. It may make it more difficult for men to have and maintain an erection or reach climax. 


While a glass of wine or a drink can be nice to unwind or even act as social lubricant, the reality is drunk sex really isn’t as pleasurable – for anyone involved – as it is likely sloppy, uncoordinated and fighting some numbed senses. (We’ve all heard of whiskey dick.) 


The idea is to increase your sensations in order to boost your sex drive, and alcohol does the opposite. 

Understand Your Body and Desires

Having a keen self awareness of what is pleasurable for you is paramount for having better sex with others. Get familiar with your anatomy and masturabate with the intetion of finding out what feels best for you. Try different sex toys or stimulating lubricants to explore new sensations.


As we’ve learned, improving your libido isn’t always purely physical and neither is exploring your desires. Consider what mentally stimulates you or turns you on. You can try watching porn, reading erotica or sexting. If you’ve lost the drive for the sex you’ve been having, expanding your sexual repertoire can bring up your sex drive. 


Work On Your Relationship With Sexual Partner(s)

Being able to acknowledge and discuss sources of tension within and outside the relationship can help get you and your partner on the same page. Harboring unaddressed feelings of resentment, anger or hurt is often going to get in the way of lusting after your partner. 


Not only do you want to establish healthy communication, but you want to be able to talk about your sexual desires. Talking about sexual wants and needs lends for better understanding, a deeper connection and can be sexy in its own right. Whether it’s someone you’ve been with for a decade or you’re looking to meet people to hook up with, communication about your desires can afford all parties a deeper connection. You can even talk about how to improve your sex drive together.


Talking about your desires is also just as important as communicating about your libido. Sharing that you noticed your sex drive is low and you haven’t wanted to have sex can be challenging, but leaving your partner in the dark can also fuel insecurities and feel like rejection. Try approaching the topic with honesty and empathy by acknowledging how you’re feeling, acknowledging how they’re feeling, and expressing you want to boost your libido and get to a better place together. 

Final Thoughts

There are plenty of ways to increase your libido that are within your control. Taking care of your physical and mental health are the foundation and getting familiar with what sexually turns you on can lead to a better sex life. Find partners to share and try out your sexual desires with on

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