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Ejaculation Etiquette: 5 Things To Avoid During & After Cumming

By: Sam Pirson , October 28, 2023

Busting a nut has to be in the top five best feelings. Yet, if you’re not doing it solo, it can’t be just about you. Sex with other people is a very intimate activity that requires care no matter how hot, sloppy, rough or loving it is, and ejaculation is undeniably part of that.

Ok, But Why Is Ejaculation Etiquette Important?

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While climaxing and ejaculating don’t necessarily always come together, for men they usually do. And because of that, minimally, you’re going to end up with semen somewhere. This matters because as good as it feels for you, depending on where it goes, it could lead to pregnancy, passing an STI, or more simply, cleaning up an unexpected mess (watch out eyes and hair). Realistically, you should be using a condom anyways, and when you do, there’s less etiquette to be worried about. You cum in the condom and throw it out. The end. 

 

But, for situations when you’re not practicing safe sex, etiquette around ejaculation is important whether it’s a long term partner or someone whose last name you don’t know. Being aligned about things in the bedroom will just make for a more enjoyable experience and better sex and where you cum is included in that.

Avoid These 5 Things During or After Cumming

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You’ll probably have a pretty one track mind building up to busting your nut. So, before that you’ll want to familiarize yourself with these five things to minimize accidents and maximize pleasure. This is what to do before and after cumming. 

1. Don’t cum inside her without a heads up

The biggest no-no of ejaculating with a partner is to never, ever, ever cum inside them without consent particularly if they have a uterus. Obviously, this is exactly how babies are made, and that requires a much larger conversation than simply where to cum that is truly impossible to have in the heat of the moment. 

Equally as serious, a child and an STI are both something that could potentially be with each of you for life. There’s nothing light, fun or casual about such a substantial decision that you should ever take away someone’s ability to make on their own – and with you – without addressing it before you put your penis in her vagina. 

However, not cumming inside her also includes her mouth or anus. Ejaculation etiquette rule number of not cumming inside of her includes all of her. While she may not get pregnant from taking your load in her mouth or butt, it’s still important to ask before you ejaculate inside any of her. 

This isn’t to say you can never do it. You need to talk about it first. 

2. Don’t remove the condom without telling her

Yes, we know condoms can break, roll up, can be uncomfortable and dull senses (invest in the good ones), but under no circumstances should you remove the condom without telling your partner. Even if you plan to pull out or not cum inside her, taking it off without consent is deceitful and can be considered dangerous. This is called stealthing. It’s sexual assault and illegal in some states. 

Additionally, you put each of you at risk for STIs and unplanned pregnancy. If something happens with the condom, pause, let your partner know and take the time to grab another one or discuss a plan of action to move forward. 

3. Don’t cum on her without asking

While there’s far less risk of STI or pregnancy involved, cumming on her still requires consent. Getting consent would require you talking about this beforehand, and it can be in a very sexy way if you handle it correctly. 

You can lead with your desires or fantasies and say things like, “I can’t stop thinking about cumming on your [insert body part]. Does that turn you on at all?” Or, you can open it up for more of a discussion by asking if anyone has ever cum on their tits or ass or where ever and if they’d be into it. 

Or, you put your partner in the driver seat. Ask them what they’d like you to do with your cum or where they want you to cum. Make them the boss, and let them call the shots. You can say something like, “I want to know where you want me to finish. What would be hottest for you?”

Even after these discussions take place, your partner is within their right to change their mind. Consider letting them know when you’re about to cum. If you can manage, ask them where within the moment. 

4. Avoid saying irrelevant or awkward things after cumming

Enjoy. The. Moment. 

Do not immediately pick up your phone. Do talk about something unsexy as work or responsibilities directly after you finish. 

Don’t immediately barrage them with questions about your performance. Let yourselves breathe. 

You can, however, give compliments. 

  1. “You looked so hot when you…” 
  2. “It felt so good when you…” 
  3. “You look so relaxed. Do you need anything?”

Stay present even after you’ve finished. Lay next to each other. Cuddle. Unwind. Just don’t put your foot in your mouth.

5. After cumming, don’t be quick to ask if they came too

Asking if they came is at the top of the list of things not to say immediately after finishing. If you have to ask, it’s likely they didn’t. 

Further, you should also have a conversation about what pleasure looks like for them, how they enjoy sex and how they like to climax before you even have sex. This way you’ll have the keys and be able to accomplish it together before you finish. You’ll also know if they don’t typically orgasm from penetration or the best ways to get them there. 

Putting in the legwork beforehand helps to avoid an awkward convo after. If you know she didn’t and you know how she will climax, after you’ve finished you can always ask if she’d like to keep going. Just because you came doesn’t mean your mouth and hands don’t work.

What If You Messed Up Ejaculation Etiquette!?

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What if you’re reading this after you’ve already had horrible ejaculation etiquette? You’ll want to apologize first. Secondly, you’ll want to address how you could’ve handled it differently. And, lastly, you’ll want to ask them how you can be more aligned for next time, if there is a next time. 

 

Sex is fun and can be messy in both good and bad ways. The most important thing is to keep communicating through each experience to learn your partners and yourself better. Every person and nearly every session has the potential to be different, so getting comfortable with conversations around ejaculation etiquette is important for the future of your sex life. 


Sign up for instabang.com and practice talking about it with all the different partners you’ll find.

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