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Am I Ready For A Threesome?

By: Sam Pirson , September 6, 2023

The more the merrier, right? Oftentimes, we think more or bigger is better, and it’s been proven time and time again, it is not always the case. 

Sex with one person is great, so why wouldn’t sex with more than one person be more great? A threesome has got to be amazing, right? It might be, but it also might not be. Before you become like a dog with a bone chasing something you don’t know anything about, it’s worthwhile to take some time to figure out if you are ready for a threesome for the first time.

What Is A Threesome?

A lot of what someone who has never had a threesome thinks about threesomes is largely based in fantasy, and it’s essential to learn about the reality before you jump in with both feet. As complicated as sex can sometimes be that with one other person, a threesome adds a third to the mix. 

 

According to a study from DatingAdvice.com, just under 20% of Americans say that they’ve had a threesome. Men were more than twice as likely as women to have reported having tried a menage a trois, 26% compared to 11%.

 

Threesomes are good for exploring your own sexual desires, to have a new shared sexual experience with a partner, and a fun sexual experience to try with others you intimately trust. 

 

They can be done with a partner and a third, you can be a third to another couple or they can be done with two other individuals that are not already engaged in any sort of committed relationship. Not all threesomes will be the same, but it’s also a way to experiment with different dynamics within your sex life.

Are You Ready For a Threesome With Your Partner?

Threesomes can be great, but they are not for everyone, and ultimately, it’s up to you to figure that out. Doing your research is key. Reading the below pros, cons and things to consider for yourself – before, during and after – will help figure out if a threesome is right for you.

Benefits Of A Threesome

First time having a threesome? There are a number of benefits that can come along with it for healthy relationships or individuals ready to take these steps.

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1. Threesomes Are Good For Exploring Your Own Sexual Desires

By involving an additional participant, there’s potential to introduce fresh perspectives and sensations that might not be achievable within the confines of having only one partner. This experience can encourage open communication, bolster trust, and allow for the discovery of new fantasies and preferences. It also promotes a deeper understanding of one’s own boundaries and those of their partners, fostering an environment where consent and mutual respect are paramount. A well-negotiated and thoughtfully approached threesome can provide a space for self-discovery, pleasure, and personal growth within the realm of one’s sexuality.

2. Having A Threesome Can Spice Up Healthy Relationships 

All of the things a threesome can offer you individually can be extended to a relationship. A threesome can encourage more open communication and allow for new fantasies or preferences within a partnership. Together you can find new boundaries and pleasures to benefit each of you.

When Are Threesomes Bad Or Cause Issues?

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For all the threesome benefits, there can also be some challenges with a first time threesome, especially if trying to fix a damaged relationship, if you’ve experienced prior trust issues, or have jealousy issues.

1. Trying to Fix a Relationship By Having A Threesome

Threesomes are not something you should do for someone without your own interest and vice versa. You shouldn’t expect someone that isn’t interested in a threesome to participate in one for you. They are not a good way to mend a damaged relationship, nor are they a way to cure boredom with a partner. 

2. Building or Establishing Trust Through Having A Threesome

The trust – or at least mutual interest – needs to be established. And most importantly, a threesome is not a place to take a relationship when jealousy exists. You must work through those feelings of envy first. If you or a partner is jealous when you’re speaking to someone else, of your porn watching habits or simply liking other people’s pictures on Instagram, working through that friction within the relationship should be the priority rather than introducing someone else into your dynamic for both you and the third person. You don’t need to introduce a third party into your fractured relationship.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before a Threesome

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The first thing you need to do in order to know if you want to have a threesome is check in with yourself. These are the questions to ask before a threesome in order to check in with yourself. Clarify what you hope to gain from the experience emotionally, sexually, and mentally.

1. What about a threesome interests you?

This requires honesty with yourself. If you’re looking for bragging rights, a notch on your belt or simply the ability to say you’ve done it, it’s probably not the right time to have a threesome. Other people’s desires, feelings and lives are involved and your reasons should reflect that. 

If you’re looking to gain new perspectives and further explore sexual dynamics while also practicing the communication and emotional requirements in sexual relationships, a threesome might be a good way to do that. 

2. What are your boundaries around sexual acts during the threesome? 

Reflect on what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. This includes sexual activities, emotional involvement, communication during and after the experience and if you’re open to MFF, FMM, FFF and/or MMM. You should also take protection and STI prevention and what that looks like for you into consideration. 

3. Will you get jealous?

Are there places within your relationship where you find yourself feeling jealousy? What are those circumstances? You need to get down to the root of any jealousy that exists. It can be about the attention they receive or when someone else pursues them, either way it’s important to rectify that. You’ll be present while someone else is also having sex with them, and ideally, in order to be happy for them receiving pleasure during your threesome, jealousy can’t exist. 

4. Can you have a threesome sober?

While you may not need to do this sober, you should be able to have a threesome – or any sex – without liquid courage or another mind-altering substance. If there’s apprenhension about having a threesome sober, reflect on what the fear is that requires drinking or drugs. If you need it to connect to one person, you should definitely reconsider your desire to sexually connect to two at the same time. 

5. Would you be ok if your partner asked for it again?

It’s also important to consider your own self-esteem. Be mindful of how this experience could impact your self-perception and self-worth. Consider whether you might feel empowered, insecure, or conflicted afterward. Realistically you won’t know until you’re there, but it’s important to consider how you’ll feel after and if it’s just a one time thing or not. 

6. Will you be able to communicate before, during and after the threesome?

Lastly, ask yourself if you are able to communicate all of this effectively to the others involved. Make sure you can openly express your thoughts, desires, and concerns with everyone participating before, during and after the threesome. It doesn’t have to be perfect, of course, but you should be prepared to try to go through this experience with the others involved. 

If You’re In A Relationship, Consider This Before A Threesome 

If you want to have a threesome with your partner and a third, ask yourself if you’re comfortable talking about it within your relationship. If you’re not comfortable bringing the idea to your partner, you are not ready to have one either. 

These are some questions to start the conversation with your partner: 

  • How do you feel about threesomes and have you had one?
  • Would that be something you’d be open to trying with me?
  • What does your ideal threesome look like for you?

The goal is simply to learn their feelings, preferences and boundaries before you even decide. This can be an ongoing conversation and doesn’t have to be decided on in this initial conversation. There needs to be a true shared desire and interest in having a threesome, and when it comes to potential jealousy, you’ll want to discuss what that could look like for both of you. 

Once you’ve determined you’re on the same page, it’s worthwhile to do some research together. You can watch threesome porn and share what you each like, are open to, dislike and are not interested in. This itself can be a fun process to share together.

What’s Having A Threesome For The First Time Like?

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So what’s it like having a threesome? Experiencing a threesome for the first time can evoke a blend of excitement, nervousness, and curiosity. It’s a little like losing your virginity again. As individuals navigate the uncharted territory of multiple partners, mixed emotions can range from exhilaration to mild apprehension, stemming from the unfamiliar dynamics and the novelty of sharing such an intimate experience with others to bliss. Don’t expect it to go perfectly the first time. 

With a partner, a threesome for the first time can be all of those things, but you’ll also have someone you care about experiencing their own feelings. The shared experience will allow for support of any feelings that come up, and it also allows you each to have someone discuss how it went afterwards, if there’s anything you want to change and if you should do it again together.

Still Wondering “Should I Have a Threesome?”

While a threesome can be a great idea and fun, there are a lot of emotional and physical considerations to take into account on your own before finding two willing and interested parties. Once you’ve self-reflected and done your research on having a threesome for the first time, the fun can start. 


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